My OH blew me away on one of our first dates when we went walking and he had come prepared with a portable stove and homemade soup and rolls to heat up for lunch. The time he spent preparing and thinking about impressed me far more than any money he could have spent in a restaurant.

I’ll try not to write a novel here. What I see is the following:

- It is easy for a man to bed a woman who only asks that he buy xyz for her. It is harder to woo a woman who is looking for something other than xyz baubles/gazinguses/dinners. What does she want? Can it be provided easily or even at all? How long will it take before she is won over? Focusing on the spendthrift women is an easy route to sexual gratification. {Sorry to offend sensitive readers.}

- It is in a woman’s best interest to ensure a man is truly committed to her before she commits to him. Men who TALK a good game but don’t take concrete action end up leaving a woman in the lurch. Putting his money where his mouth is, so to speak, helps a woman to weed out men who have no intention of sticking around and being committed partners.

- Men are easily fooled by artifice. I see women who are facially unfortunate (euphemism for ugly as homemade sin) but are made up with lots of makeup and fancy clothes… and they trick men into believing they are actually attractive. Men are easily won over by a push up bra, Botox and bleached hair, even on a woman who would otherwise only turn heads in disgust. That’s why women spend money on those trappings! Why lose out in the competition for a mate when buying lotions and potions can level the playing field? (I don’t bother with all of this, because I’m a naturally attractive woman. Maybe when I get older I’ll feel I “need” those, though.)

- Men claim they want a woman with intelligence and similar values… but they leave those women for empty headed and corrupt women who are all dolled up and don’t challenge the man’s fragile little ego. Most men are threatened by intelligent and capable women, which is why so many women pretend to be stupid in order to win a mate.

I hold out hope that I will find my frugal guy out there. While I am not looking for a man as frugal as Jacob, it would be great to find a partner on the same page. We could build a great life together… at least until he abandons me for a vapid bleached blonde who lives at the mall!

Maybe I should have looked to date men who who were more interested in equal sharing of the costs of going out.

It would also classify this as a city vs. small town issue in the US. I grew up in a small town where frugality is a little more common. I now live in DC, where frugality is uncommon. The difference isn’t enormous, but it is there.

Naturally, if your spouse earns significantly less than you, or spends significantly more than you, you can also come to the conclusion that one can save more by being single. I don’t have any clever statistics on what percentage of people fit either of these two criteria, but to a rough approximation I’ll guess that at least 1/2 of married men will conclude that they could save more money by being single. They may not be correct in this conclusion, but perhaps this is partially why the comment comes up with frequency.

Another consideration is that most people experience consumerism first, and then switch to being a saver– something realized by this blog that suggests to readers that they consider spending less and saving more. Some responders are saying, “I’m open to make this change, but my spouse isn’t”, thus concluding that one can more easily switch to becoming a saver by being single.

For me, I spent a lot more money when single– some of it was spent to impress women, or go on fancy dates, but I also traveled a lot more, for a myriad of easily suspected reasons. In fact, one reason I got my finances in order, was because I knew I didn’t want to take out a loan to buy an engagement ring– this resulted in budgeting, which resulted in extreme budgeting, and so on….

In theory, I too could save a lot more money if single, because I earn about 5x what my wife does. Companionship has a value though, and for me it’s worth whatever it’s costing me.

Those of you looking for frugal chicks should probably check out your local organizations promoting women in science and math.

I agree that men who think women want expensive things are interested in the wrong women. I also agree that you don’t need much money to look attractive or to do interesting things. Going to movies and restaurants are two of the most boring things on Earth. Museums, parks, and other culture are usually cheaper or free and more interesting, as are book clubs, social action groups, volunteer organizations. . . . And you’re more likely to meet someone you have something in common with there.

Gia,
How would you like to go on a date to the library with me?

@richinaz – Using staples to cook with will allow a greater deal of portion control. Of couse I remember buying 20lbs of potatoes as a single and that generally meant potatoes every other day until they ran out.

@pessimist – Maybe a joint family is not a great structure. The arrangement from my dorm days with 4 people sharing a kitchen or 18 people sharing kitchen and bathroom facilities allowed for personal orientations. One did not have to hang out, but I can definitely see that as a problem in a family.

One thing that drew me to my wife was that she was more frugal than I. She spent her money purposefully, not just to pass the time (shopping as entertainment). This was welcome after divorcing my ex- that was nearly the complete opposite.

@vga – I think you’re confusing frugality with being cheap.

Wow. Where to begin?

In regards to #1 Clothes can be purchased on sale and an thrift stores. If you buy quality items they last for a long time. No one needs a gym membership to get in shape. Ever heard of P90X or kettlebells? There are plenty of great exercise programs that get the job done without a gym and a small investment. Personally, I never wear makeup and have no problem attracting the opposite sex.

In regards to #2 For a lot of homebodies they don’t avoid bars, movies or restaurants just because they cost money. Movies can be seen in the comfort of your own home. Restuarant quality food can be eaten at home. Bars are unappealing on many levels.

I can’t speak for other homebodies, but part of the reason I am one is because I think most other people are boring. Maybe they think I’m boring too so I guess it evens out. I like to discuss and learn about various topics. I’m not really into having experiences. I’m most passionate about fitness and health, but I haven’t set foot in a gym for years.