… a tongue in cheek follow up to Wear sunscreen and retire early.
Spoken to the tune of “Wear Sunscreen”.
If I could give you a single piece of advice. This would be it: Live beyond your means. The long term consequences of living beyond your means have been demonstrated to lead to bankruptcy whereas the rest of my advice is only intended to poke fun at consumer culture.
Buy as much house as you can afford. In fact, buy a bigger house than you can afford. Get a no money down ARM. Don’t worry. Real estate always go up, so if money gets short, get a second mortgage. Buy a new dining room set. Your current set is sooo yesteryear. Keep the lights on. Turning them off wastes energy. Keep the heat turned up. If it gets too warm, wear shorts even if it’s winter outside. So go buy some shorts. Buy a new car and replace it every second year. Fully loaded is the way to go. Fill your garage with stuff that no longer fits inside your home. Fully loaded goes for your garage as well. Besides, parking your car outside while keeping your garage door open leaving all your stuff for the world to see will impress the neighbors. Buy a second car. A jeep that never leaves the road is a classy choice and demonstrate your sense of adventure. Marry the person you fell in love with four months ago. Get a divorce four years later but not before you have had at least two kids. Buy hydroxycut and two gym memberships to get in shape for the beach. Remarry. Repeat and rinse. Eat out at restaurants. Order food in. Party. Get a 250+ channel cable subscription but keep renting movies. Build your own home cinema. Build your own game room. Build a home bar. Install a heated pool for the garden. Charge everything on credit cards. Make minimum payments. When you can’t make payments, consolidate, and keep charging. Get a second job to pay the bills. Worry about money. Wonder why there are never any money around at the end of the month to make ends meet. Get a payday loan. Think about bankruptcy. Everybody deserves a fresh start, right. Oh yeah, and forget about the sunscreen, you will spend the rest of your life working.
Originally posted 2007-12-21 14:47:00.