You are in a ghastly faux courtyard surrounded by columns of concrete and imitation marble. There is a fountain here. An archway leads to a small glass door way. There are exits leading to the east, west, and north. There is a sign. You are wearing Mickey Mouse ears. People stare at you oddly.

> Put ears in knapsack.

You put the Mickey Mouse ears in your knapsack immediately blending into the crowd.

> x sign

The sign reads “Seven of Nine Bank – Open for business”.

> in

You enter the bank. Plastic plaques of smiling faces frozen in time line the wall. You get a erie feeling about this. There is a desk with drawers. There is a scroll on the desk. There is a banker behind the desk.

> x banker

The bank flashes a bright smile momentarily blinding you. He holds what appears to be a pen in a slightly menacing manner. Ready to do business!

> hello banker

“Good morning, Sir, are you here for a retirement consultation?”

> yes

“Standard or extreme?”

> standard

“Okay. You’re supposed to save a couple of million dollars, but that’s probably as unlikely as social security still being around in 30 years. Also, you seem to be about as clueless about investing as a newt, so what you should do is to simply buy everything Wall Street sells using index funds and cross your fingers. Here, take this brochure. Your lucky number is 7.”

You owe the banker 200 credits.

> pay banker

“Thank you very much. Anything further I can do to .. I mean for you today, Sir?”

> no

“Okay, pleasure doing you … I mean doing business with you”, the banker says.

> get scroll

You take the scroll. The banker looks mildly amused.

> x scroll

***** magic of compound interest investment plan *****

This investment plan is guaranteed by magic and powered by

past results. In case of malfunction, wait it out and hope the



> cast spell

You cast “magic of compound interest”. Newts fly all over. The markets crash losing billions of credits in the process. The bank is a mess. You have been wiped out. Would you like a summary?

> yes

You have:

0 credits.

1 pair of +1 Elven sneakers (subject to repossession).

1 pair of -1 Mickey Mouse ears that make you look slightly goofy.

You scored a total of 2 points out of 20. Your final rank is sheep.

Would you like to (R)estart? (Q)uit?

Originally posted 2008-08-28 07:29:40.