@Matthijs – Lots of people in the military do it all the time. I will even have a smaller likelihood of dying of it. I do not think I owe some sort of sacrifice. In fact, I would never consider sacrifice as a way of negotiating leverage whether it’s working for me or against me. It’s simply out of the question. I would expect people to live for their own sake, never for others.

Seeking “leverage” within a marriage and living for one’s one sake seem incompatible with the whole purpose for cleaving to one person and foresaking all others t become “one flesh” as St. Paul puts it. Perhaps my views on marriage are colored too strongly by my religious background (Catholic), but striving for a shared destiny and sacrificing some personal preferences to achieve it are what make a marriage strong and lasting. I am not advocating complete surrender of your life, but to love someone demands that you consider what would be best for them. This sometimes comes at a cost to oneself.

Having said that, I am fascinated that two people with such different goals, e.g. car vs. no car; house vs. RV/Sailboat; job vs. self-sufficiency; refrigerator vs. no refrigerator, can live peacefully in such close quarters. Clearly that suggests that you have a loving relationship that transcends the dissappoints of these more material realities. Right? Anyway, I certainly wish you & DW a strong and long marriage.

Given the pursuits you are choosing now and the philosophy that seems to be guiding you, do you regret having pursued the Ph.D.? I find myself regretting my J.D. Law has become intellectually arid to me, but practicing law is what is enabling me to accelerate the formation of capital necessary to achieve financial independence that much sooner. And it seems sort of foolish to regret something that can hardly be considered as contrary to wellbeing years after the fact. Feelings, nevertheless, do well up at the consideration of lost opportunities.

I will not comment much on the marriage issues except to say that at 51 I have been married twice although I have been single for the last year and I am building a 30 ft sail boat in my back yard. Anyway, I can relate to much of Jacob’s writings.

As far as regretting having spent the time on a postgraduate degree – I have never regretted getting my Ph.D. even though I have not really been employed in my field for seven years. I think getting a Ph.D. changes your whole outlook on life. Perhaps it is learning to ignore all the people that continually tell you that you are wasting your time or that you should get a job. Maybe it is the skepticism of commonly held beliefs. You develop a sense of freedom by learning to ignore all the people that disagree with you and then make your own decisions and face the consequences.

Yes, those are all good points. As you say, one can learn any technical field given sufficient effort and time. The arts are different. I can learn the technical aspects of playing a guitar but I cannot make “music”. There is a difference.

On the relatively minor issue of getting along without a refrigerator:

I assume that the people who don’t have a refrigerator do without one to save energy. When they’re calculating the energy saved, are they taking into account the fact that the heat generated by running the refrigerator also heats their home?

Where I live, we run our furnace about nine months a year. Thus during those months our furnace runs less because of the heat generated by our refrigerator.

Conversely, though, if you run an air conditioner in the three warmest months, the air conditioning will have to run more often if you also use a refrigerator which generates heat.

So I guess my point is that for anyone who heats their home, a refrigerator uses less energy in effect than they might first imagine.

I’m intrigued at the idea of living without a fridge. I don’t know if I could ever do it, but I did come across something on the net about getting a chest freezer and rigging it to keep fridge temp instead of freezer temp. Apparently, it runs on the same amount of electricity as a lamp, due to the fact that the cold air stays inside, instead of pouring out when the door is open on a traditional upright fridge.

http://www.builditsolar.com/Projects/Conservation/chest_fridge.pdf

I don’t believe in sacrificing in relationships, either. It just breeds bitterness and inequality, b/c the one with the stronger personality or tenacity usually is the one to get his or her way.

If you’re more of a nomad, and your wife is more of a nester, I think it would be fine for you to take off and travel. If you forced her to go with you, she’d be miserable, and if she forced you to stay, you’d be miserable. Not that you would or could “force” each other, but it was the quickest way to say what I wanted to say.

I feel that if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. To some, this would seem to imply sacrifice. After all, if you want your spouse to be happy, you’d do what they wanted, regardless of what you wanted. Ah, but then your spouse loves you, too, so therefore, they wouldn’t want you to sacrifice yourself, b/c that wouldn’t make you happy.* This often takes the form of separate activities occasionally, maybe separate vacations, and in extreme situations with two very different people, it might take the form of living apart.

*There are some people (usually men) who actually believe that other people (usually women) are made happy by sacrifice. The self-serving nature of this couldn’t be more obvious.

Just thought I’d say that I’ve been refrigerator-free for the last four months (June, July, August, and September). I eat a lot of canned beans, vegetables, tomatoes, pasta, oatmeal, and potatoes… so far it seems to be working out. I started because it saved me about 20 dollars a month in electricity but now I’ve since moved to a new place that has an almost new energy efficient fridge so I can’t say I do it for the money anymore. Actually I think the biggest reason why I don’t use a fridge anymore is because it makes me feel like I could move anywhere right now and not have to worry about having to be hooked up to electricity.

Jacob, I have followed Steve Roberts’ bike and sea kayak adventures from the early days of the Internet. His group has an opening. Check out this nomad adventure over the last 15 years at; http://microship.com/microship/index.html

Jacob, take the trip. Your wife will understand. My boyfriend is a sailor in our Navy and he’s always going somewhere. Sometimes for a year or more at a time. We still keep going strong though. It sounds like you and your wife have a very strong relationship so I think you would be just fine. Time away from one another is great unless the relationship is unstable.

I’m basically already retired but keep freelancing here n there not to get bored. Mostly I’m just consulting nowadays and spending time with my daughter

Kudos on your blog I’ve been following it for a while now. Always looking forward to you articles.

You are right about not getting rich quick or needing a high income to retire. I believe our biggest tool n resource is oneself when looking to change our paradigms.

Those that say relationships don’t require sacrifices probably have not been in one long or have been divorced or through several people, because a life long comitment sooner or later will require sacrifices from both parties to be strong. Afterall, who else will have your back when the chips are down, your back is against the wall, and times are tough? If your mate isn’t, then that is just a fair weather relationship. DH and I have had tons of trials and tribulations that we made it through, because, by the Grace of God, we had one anothers’ backs when the times got hard. We have even had great joy and strength, love, peace, comfort and encouragement in our relationship together through the most difficult times. Being there for someone when they are down and out can require sacrifices, but it is so worth it. If you have one anothers’ back come storms or high water, then you will be able to prosper and make it through so much more in this life and have a wonderfully deep and loving relationship.
All the selfish BS people spout in this day and age is why divorce is so rampant in the USA.
On a side note, I wouldn’t personally find it very wise to choose to spend a year or two apart for something that was not essential. If you had no choice, that is one thing, but I think it is different to make that choice for “fun”. That being said, every couple is different, I suppose. I am guessing though that it being a bad idea is more general to marriage than to vary amoung couples. Who am I to say on that one though.